J3N (jenefef) wrote in gobfans,

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Poweful? More Like Powerless .....

It's funny that when I sit in this little room of mine that I like to call my 'office' and type my life away onto a page that means nothing to anyone else ... Thinking all the troubles I am going through with 'boys' or 'friends' or 'money' actually matters ... Somewhere, someone else is dying. Losing their son, daughter, mother, father, brother or sister to weakness. The world is consumed by hate, fear and regret. I watch as my family rips apart at the seams and falls into what is going to soon be called poverty. And soon it will be I under the microscope that sits on the shelf gathering dust.

I don't feel sorry for myself. Just angry at the world I live in. I wish I could go back into time and kick the ass[s] of the asshole[s] that decided money is what would make this world work ........ I don't want it, I hate money. I hate what it does to people. I hate how in order to live you must have it. Food and water must be paid for .... two HUGE nesessities of life and unless you're rich, you don't get any. I'm suprised there is no price on love yet. Oh wait, there is. It's called Valentines Day. Or Christmas. Or Anniversaries. To sum that all into one word: Hallmark.

Is it wrong to place my head down on my pillow every night in fear? In fear of the higher of man who is controlling MY life and MY future with his egotistical, self-ritous self-pride that forces him to need to be the best? His title is 'President' but his ego wreaks 'pompus asshole.' What is he fighting for? Face? B/c it was lost long ago. When someone put a price on life there was nothing left to fight for. And yet the world is contuing to fight. To fight a battle that makes everyone lose. The world is obsessed with death. Morbid death. They talk about it as if it's terrible, while deep down inside we can't change the channel or not look at the pictures. We can't not tape shows and news broadcasts about September 11th b/c we WANT to remember. We WANT to see the blood and gore. It's like death is all we know anymore. All of a sudden, my so called 'priceless' life changed meaning. It's priceless to the man who has to prove his dirt is more important than my family's well-being or my children's future. What are we fighting for?

There is so much beauty in the world. And yet we focus so much on the ugly. That sounds like I am quoting American Beauty, doesn't it? Even so, it's the truth. Who sits and watches the starts anymore? Who sits and reads a book under a tree? Who takes a walk in the park with a friend and their dog? Unless it's to 'get healthy' .... no one. What about our minds health? I don't think you can have phyical health without mental health. People need to laugh. People to need to smile. People need to wake up from their zombie-like state of mind and realize we are only given so much time on this earth. Take what good you can from it and run like hell. When you find a good tree to sit under, take all that good and read it. And realize tomorrow is another day. Another day closer to heaven ... or hell. I say heaven. I think this micoscopic shadow we call home is hell.
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